ElectricTeaParty.net

Once again, a thanks to Google, this time in combination with a quick perusal of my old blog entries and the recent entries of Erich. I have come to the shocking conclusion that I need to man-up and stop being such a whiny bitch.

 Thinking of my life before England, looking at my early blog posts, down the line to my more recent (hah) entries, and reflecting on my life today, I see a slow transition from optimistic loner to intrepid adventurer to popular interesting guy to cynical complacent guy to bitter self-loathing bitch. Sure I'm still a "character," but I'm someone people view as a novelty who they can quietly shake their head at, and think "this guy will end up bitter and alone, sitting on his porch and yelling at kids to get off his lawn." As noble an end as that may be, at the very least there should be a nobler path towards it than alienating people and feeling sorry for myself. God damn it, I may not like a lot of the world around me, but I still have my own life and I want to go back to being a person who people love and respect for his bold demeanour, adventurous spirit, and willingness to have a laugh with others. Or at least I want to have that impression, whether or not it is shared by others.

Step one: I have added the following reminder to my PDA, repeating daily in the early AM:

DON'T BE SUCH A WHINY BITCH. GROW SOME MAN-BALLS AND LIVE YOUR LIFE.

Step two: I am going to stop wasting time, set some goals, and live a life I can be proud of. I can't predict who will want to be a part of it, but like a D&D character with the Leadership feat (yes, even uber-geeks can man-up a little), I hope along the way to attract a cohort or two.

Let me begin by saying that I have a cold. As I was telling one of my co-workers earlier today, despite my frequent rants on any topic, there are very few things that will actually put me in a sustained and genuinely foul mood. This handful of things includes (but is not limited to):

• When electronics do not work properly, even though they should
• When I can not find something, even though I am positive I know where it should be
• Willful or unnecessary ignorance
• Colds

And like I said, I currently am afflicted with a cold. That means the day did not start out well.

Nonetheless, I resolved to soldier on. I woke up at a fairly reasonable time, I made myself a lunch, and even though I was unlikely to have time for breakfast, I nonetheless downed my vitamins and some juice. I was determined to make the best of it, being the cheery individual that I am. However, as the clock drew near to 8:40 and I frantically pulled on the last socks in my drawer (where in God's name do they always disappear to?), I realized something dire: I had forgotten to purchase bus tickets.

"Rhian," I called, for that is the name of my beloved, "I guess I'll be driving today."

"Why's that?" she replied.

I responded in kind, itemizing my response as I am as likely to do in speech as I am in writing. "(a) because I'm running a bit late, and (b) because I didn't remember to get bus tickets."

"Oh, bugger. All right then."

"Would you like a peanut butter banana milkshake?" Making the best of a bad situation, I decided to take advantage of the opportunity to have breakfast where I otherwise wouldn't have time.

"Are you making one? Sure."

How do people do it? How do they get up before the crack of dawn every day, and get on with their daily lives? It's crazy; the sun isn't even up! I went to bed at 11pm (early for me), got up at 6am without fuss (VERY early for me), and after 2 cup of coffee and three slices of toast it was 8:30 and time to get the hell out of Dodge. Once again I didn't have time to put the washer fluid in KRA (and I have to figure out where it goes, first...). It seems that even with the colossal effort of will it took to get my day started early, I still was not able to function as a normal human being during that time (all arguments against my overall normality aside for now).

Where did I go wrong? There was coffee, there was toast, and there was the scientifically recommended amount of sleep. Perhaps it is the lack of sunlight. Or perhaps I'm far more useless than my detractors have led me to believe. At any rate, I'm going to try this experiment just a few more times before I give up and call it destiny.

I swear, even God doesn't get up this early. That's why they call it an "ungodly hour."

At this very moment, I am sitting on an LRT platform listening to Will2k and tapping away awkwardly on my HTC S621 Smartphone through the restrictive but protective case. The case is annoying, but it (and about $15 on eBay) is a small price to pay in order to reduce the likelihood of dropping and destroying my little secondary brain for which I paid several hundred dollars. Rogers kindly subsidized the little bastard, and in return they only demanded the title to my soul for three freaking years.

Anyhoo, I am mulling over the myriad of things I want to - or must - do this evening. Once the generous folks of Edmonton Transit carry me to my humble abode, it will be near as makes no odds to 19:00 and I will have about five useful hours left to me. (Yes, I work late-ish shifts, and I have the good fortune of being able to sleep late in combination with the inability to reach any businesses within normal operating hours.) Within my five gilden hours I must:

- feed my sorry self. I'm getting hungry, dammit! Luckily this is mostly covered by the availability of some leftover Canadrian Deluxe Meal Replacement Drink. The flavour-du-jour is past-their-prime cranberries, a whole apple, a banana, yogourt, flax seed, almonds, soy powder, and a bunch of mango juice. It is both terrifying and tasty. More terrifying is the prospect of cleaning the blender afterwards.
- I have been tapped for the main course at this friday's D&D session (AKA "pwn hobgoblins or die trying"), and I have to figure out what the hell goes into Ole Squares. Then I have to go out and purchase said 'what the hell' and combine it in measured proportions with heat and time so as to form something edible. Taste would be an added bonus.
- break up the remainder of my university course work into easily manageable, digestible, and accessible chunks so I can actually one day leave this academic mayhem far behind me. I will be glad to see the bacl of the Four-Point System.

Ok, so I try not to drive to work too often anyway. There is no reason for one guy to be using all this gas to himself, I can still listen to music on the bus with headphones, and DAMN parking is expensive! It's just not a great idea from the get-go.

That said... sometimes it's a necessity. If I miss that 08:45 bus (which I take because the 08:15 one is "too early"), I'm boned. It's cab or car time, and the car is a lot cheaper - and more fun - than a cab.

And then winter arrived. Oh, it held off as long as it could, but in the end there was just no holding it back. Now it's 18 below and there's snow everywhere. And the car won't start. And even if I can get the car started, there is window scraping to do, snow to brush off, parking is more sparse, and the drive takes twice as long as Transit. Oh, and there is a hefty chance I will die during the journey.

So yeah, screw this driving business, at least for daily commutes, and at least until the Spring.

Meanwhile I need to find a narrow window of sunlight during which to install my new windshield wipers and figure out where to pour my -49 degree de-icing windshield fluid.

You may have heard, or seen an email, about how Phillip Pullman's upcoming movie "His Golden Compass" (based on a book from a trilogy) is overtly anti-Christian. Well, Snopes.com says: TRUE.

While I object to the sensationalist emails that uber-Christians send around every time something offends their delicate sensibilities, I'm kinda siding with the email on this one. This jackass has written a trilogy of fantasy books, in direct reaction to the Christian message snuck into the Chronicles of Narnia (which Pullman overtly despises), with the explicit purpose of getting entrenched in the minds of children and wiping out any religious beliefs. I mean, I don't think anyone should lace children's literature with any religious or anit-religious beliefs - it's just playing dirty.

I may go see the movie, because Rhian is nuts for this guy. I also like Nicole Kidman (which may balance out the stupid talking polar bear). But I'm tempted to burn this asshole's book, not out of any offended religious sensibility, but out of a hatred anyone who would use fantastical tales to clandestinely convince children to "kill God."

I hope Phillip Pullman gets sent to some sort of Catholic institution where he can be repeatedly raped by a succession of priests. And maybe a talking polar bear.

In response to the comment thread on this article at Macworld:

 
Intellectual property is bunk. There is only one type of property and
that is physical property. Copyright laws should only serve to (a)
prevent people from claiming content you created as their own, and (b)
modify content you created and attribute the modified version to you.
If you want to make money, make a physical product and sell it. What
people do with that product after you have sold it is none of your
business - they have bought it, it's theirs. The benefits to owning a
bona fide physical piece of software or recorded media include (but are
not limited to):
- DOA protection. If it arrives broken, the supplier will give you a new one.
- Added value. Ownership of a genuine article may give you access to additional goods or services.
- Warranty. If your physical item conks out after a certain amount of time, it may be repaired or replaced.
- Support service. If you have trouble with your item, there may be a support structure to help you make it work.

Suppliers
are under no obligation to provide any of the above benefits to
possessors of copied or re-sold material. I say it again: the only
property is physical property, and if you want to make money off it,
make owning a genuine copy worth people's money. People will then make
their own choice about whether they want to buy your product or not. 

Below is a story of my real-life dealings with God-damned courier companies. Much like Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, it is told in the form of letters back and forth. Email, in this case. The identities of the involved parties have not been hidden, because I just don't give a shit.

I've been doing a great deal of thinking, lately, about what the meaning, or purpose of life is. More specifically, the meaning or purpose of MY life. In brief, what is the POINT of being who I am, doing what I do, and carrying on. There does/did not seem to be any goal, or any substance to the "maintenance mode" in which I, and possibly other people, live from day to day. I go to work so I can get money, I spend this money on the various things I need in order to carry on living, the money runs out, and I need to keep working in order to keep supporting my own existence. This is all very well and good, except that it's just a big repeating cycle. A leads to B which leads to A... etcetera. It's a snake eating its own tail - an ouroboros. This vexes/vexed me. Having been this way for some time, and making little progress in my 15-minute meditations between work and other miscellany, I decided to seek answers. Surprisingly, I may have found some.

All I have really been able to come up with on my own is that life can't really carry on the way it has. I am currently spinning my wheels, and I can't see a lot of point in the major undertakings I'm supposed to be involved in. My philosophy has been that I know what I'm capable of, and I have no desire to "prove it" to myself or anyone else. It's just a bunch of hard work for no reason. I already have the mental "award/goal" of certainty in my capabilities, so going through the motions provides nothing.

I considered asking people I know, but this has never been very fruitful in the past. People have either provided mostly-unsatisfactory answers, or simply come up empty-handed and shown little concern for the matter. "Oh, it's just Adrian being depressed again. Sorry, Adrian, I've got nothing for you. But don't worry, things will look up, really they will. Nice chatting with you!" BOO.

Just wondering...