ElectricTeaParty.net

Once again, a thanks to Google, this time in combination with a quick perusal of my old blog entries and the recent entries of Erich. I have come to the shocking conclusion that I need to man-up and stop being such a whiny bitch.

 Thinking of my life before England, looking at my early blog posts, down the line to my more recent (hah) entries, and reflecting on my life today, I see a slow transition from optimistic loner to intrepid adventurer to popular interesting guy to cynical complacent guy to bitter self-loathing bitch. Sure I'm still a "character," but I'm someone people view as a novelty who they can quietly shake their head at, and think "this guy will end up bitter and alone, sitting on his porch and yelling at kids to get off his lawn." As noble an end as that may be, at the very least there should be a nobler path towards it than alienating people and feeling sorry for myself. God damn it, I may not like a lot of the world around me, but I still have my own life and I want to go back to being a person who people love and respect for his bold demeanour, adventurous spirit, and willingness to have a laugh with others. Or at least I want to have that impression, whether or not it is shared by others.

Step one: I have added the following reminder to my PDA, repeating daily in the early AM:

DON'T BE SUCH A WHINY BITCH. GROW SOME MAN-BALLS AND LIVE YOUR LIFE.

Step two: I am going to stop wasting time, set some goals, and live a life I can be proud of. I can't predict who will want to be a part of it, but like a D&D character with the Leadership feat (yes, even uber-geeks can man-up a little), I hope along the way to attract a cohort or two.

Step three: There is no step three. I can't plan my entire life. It's no way to live. Whatever may happen, may happen, and I'm going to love it or loath it whie I continue to live like a man in control of his destiny. There's no use giving up, bitching about the world constantly, and waiting to die. I've got a least a few decades left in me (incumbent on the events manifest in aforementioned upcoming adventures), and dammit I'm going to rack up some decent stories to tell.

Step zero: Go to bed. It's 3:30am and I have to be sitting in front of an office laptop in four hours. I can't live my life for free, you know.